A Tribute To Many Things

 TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE

 

2020 was a year full of death, disease, distress, fear, and trauma. When one person dies, it’s tragic. But when many people die, it’s statistics.

I lost two people to death within a span of 3-4 months last year. One was an 18-year-old girl and the other, a 20-year-old boy. There was a third boy whom I knew just on a name-basis and talked only a few times. We were all classmates in the same school. I was not in contact with either of them at the time but the first two were some of my closest friends at different points in my life. We simply grew apart because of time and changing schools. I saw them in my dreams for a week or two, following the news of their demise. What hit me even harder than their death itself was its cause. They all lived very different lives from each other. They were very different kinds of people too. I even remember attending a random Instagram live of one of them once and that was the last time I saw her moving. She was hosting a live session for some young amateur singers who performed songs. All those differences and similarities led to nothing but one concrete yet quiet conclusion. They wanted everything to stop. The moment they remembered the way to do it themselves was the moment that probably hit them the hardest or maybe even made them feel almost peaceful or relieved. We’ll never know.

Today happens to be his birthday – the one who was my friend. No one ever imagined that his 21^st birthday would be a day like this. Many people mourned for them. Family is family but so are friends. Friends usually know things about you that your family doesn’t. It was too difficult for me to process on the day I came to know. I mourned quietly for around a week after. When I shared the news at home, I received reactions of shock, confusion, and even a little anger. I was told not to participate in such conversations because that would affect my mood and most importantly, my exam. I was told to avoid talking to anyone. Naturally, it made my fists and jaws clench.

They were my friends. It was not their fault. I loved them even though we weren’t like fries and burgers anymore. I still love them and I always will. The first time I lost a close friend was in December 2013. She died of a heart attack and there was nothing anyone could’ve done at that time. But the three stories in 2020 had the same bone-chilling ending and sadly, there were many things that could have been done to save them but... People only listen when it’s too late. People don’t believe in therapy. The lack of communication, trust, and connection, among so many other things, falls short just because no one could recognize their disguised cries for help.

Maybe, if we were in touch, I could have saved them but again, we’ll never know.

As a matter of fact, I have been in several conversations where the other person was either completely suicidal or at least running in that direction. These people were my close friends, certain acquaintances, and even total strangers on the web (from 10-year-olds to 25-year-olds). I am not proud of this but I am grateful for our luck on those days that I was somehow able to get them back out of that dark place. I guess I had been to that place myself so often that I got used to getting myself back out. It’s not healthy but it was the only way I could do it.

If you think that people who end their own stories are selfish and a wrong or bad influence on the rest of society, let me tell you, they’re not. People who tell you that are simply too scared to face the truth and do something about it besides complaining, romanticizing, and commercializing things like these.

There are always signs of seeking help. The cries for help may be so quiet and camouflaged that only a few might be able to tell them apart. On the contrary, they may be so damn loud, explicit, and straightforward that they’re dismissed as simply “attention-seekers”. The ones in between are rarely noticed at all. The root of the problem lies in the stigma that persists around mental health. People would rush to the hospital or their personal doctors if they have physical symptoms or injuries. But when it comes to trauma or anything even remotely related to mental health, they either sleep on it or simply normalize it. It’s tragic but true.

Even today, the way people use the word “depression” honestly triggers me a lot. At least where I live, the word is not used as what it actually is but as just another casual adjective like “hungry” or “sleepy”. The most excruciatingly common error that people make all the time is that they think the word “depressed” means being sad. When we catch a fever, we don’t say that we are malarial, do we? Fever is surely one of the symptoms of malaria but we never assume that. We consult a health professional who takes our medical diagnosis and the results they get are the ones that we accept.

Similarly, when we’re sad, it doesn’t necessarily mean that we’re suffering from depression. Above all, depression is NOT the same as being sad. Depression is a mental illness and sadness is a feeling which is usually one of depression’s many symptoms. Now, people who make this mistake are either unaware and don’t care to correct themselves and learn about it, or they’re unaware and there is no one to correct them. So, please. Educate yourself. Educate yourself for others if not for yourself. Don’t insult people on their mental health. When you ask someone how they are and they say they’re fine, don’t end the conversation, because they are most likely NOT fine. Ask them about what’s going on. Be there. Be a good listener. Don’t judge or interrupt them if you’re lucky enough to get them to tell you what they’re going through. Don’t throw advice at them unless they ask for your help. You need to understand what the other person needs when they’re vulnerable. You need to pay attention to what they’re saying and understand it. Sometimes they don’t need you to chart out a list of all the possible solutions to their problem. Instead, they need you to just patiently hear them out without judging and interrupting.

So, how do you know what they need? Just ask. Just ask them what they need or how you could help make it easier or better for them. Then do exactly what they need you to do and be patient. That’s it. But what if you are the one suffering? Seek help. Reach out to the ones you trust or feel comfortable with and tell them what you’re going through. Consult a psychologist or psychiatrist and take therapy. Seeking help does not make you weak. It makes you brave. There is always a way to win the battle against mental illnesses. Suicide is NEVER the answer to anything and dismissing conversations about mental health will only degrade things from worst to even worse.

MENTAL HEALTH IS REAL! Educate yourself and save lives including your own.